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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #126
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    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!

    Enjoy your Friday

  2. #127
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    While at the local bar the other night, I overheard 2 "chubby" girls conversing in a Scottish sounding accent. I approached and interrupted their conversation: "excuse me, are you Lassies from Scotland?" I asked.

    "Wales, it's Wales!" They both bemoaned..

    "Sorry!", I replied - "are you whales from Scotland?"

    Don't remember much after that.
    96 GTS, 71 442, 72 FJ40, 51 F2, 78 C3
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  3. #128
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    hehe

    I was at a cocktail party 'the other night, where I met a young lady with a strapless dress.
    I inquired as to what was holding her dress up?
    She replied "your age".

  4. #129
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    How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm???









    Wait for it...









    Fresh prints...
    96 GTS, 71 442, 72 FJ40, 51 F2, 78 C3
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  5. #130
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    I just got home from work early and found my wife on a porn site, she'd better have a bloody good explanation when she gets home!

  6. #131
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    A little girl asked her mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”! mum replies, “No, because she is in heat.”

    “What’s that mean?” asked the child.

    “Go ask your father”, answered the mother, “I think he’s in the garage.”

    The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”

    Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”

    The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

    “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.”

  7. #132
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    Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess,
    "Will you marry me?"
    The Princess immediately said, "No!"

    And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged,
    full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and
    dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and
    never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and
    dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and
    potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and
    never got cheated on while he was at work, and
    all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell,
    and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.

    The End.
    96 GTS, 71 442, 72 FJ40, 51 F2, 78 C3
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  8. #133
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    Good one!

  9. #134
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    HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A DEAD PENQUIN ?

    Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more!
    It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
    The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
    The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."*
    You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

  10. #135
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    One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
    Bob’s wife, a stunning blonde goes out and moves her car.
    A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
    Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.
    The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park…” then the electric power goes out.
    Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”
    With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”

  11. #136
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    An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of discomfort, he starts designing and building improvements.
    After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The Engineer is a pretty popular guy.
    One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"
    Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next."
    God is horrified. "What? You've got an Engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all Engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "
    Satan says, "No way. I like having an Engineer on the staff.
    I'm keeping him."
    God says, "Send him up here or I'll sue."
    "Yeah, right," Satan laughs,
    "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"


 
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