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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #501
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    A woman, bit upright because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me." Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

    After a short while the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen before he came into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note...

    After a minute or so, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone. Yeah, I know, about bloody time. I'm coming to see you. Put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."

    He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left.

    She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote.

    "I can see your feet. We're out of bread; be back in five minutes."

  2. #502
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    Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street.
    As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now" Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window." "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you." Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those." "I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes." Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.



    Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!" "I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant,













    "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side!"

  3. #503
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    Latest News in England.....A Muslim has been shot with a starting Pistol

    Local Police are saying it's definitely Race related.....



    When I was a Kid, the gangs used to cover me in chocolate and cream then put a cherry on my head!

    Life was tough in the Gateau.


    I met a Beautiful Girl in the Park today, Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then! God I love my new Taser!
    Last edited by Fatboy 18; 3 Weeks Ago at 05:51 PM.

  4. #504
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    An Aircraft flying with 5 Passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, the Pope, Nicola Sturgeon (Scottish 1st minister) and a Ten year old School Boy.

    The Plane is about to crash and there's only 4 parachutes!
    The Pope said "I need one, I've got to sort out the Catholic Church" He takes one and Jumps.

    Trump said "I need one, I've got to sort out the USA! He takes one and Jumps.

    Nicola says, "I'm the smartest woman in Scotland" She takes one and jumps.

    Boris turned and said to the Ten year old Boy "You can have the last parachute, I have lived my life, yours is only starting"

    The 10 year old said "Don't worry, there are two parachutes left, the smartest woman in Scotland took my school bag"



 
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