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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #226
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    BrianACR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fatboy 18 View Post
    My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner...
    So I took the battery out of the smoke detector!

    I'm lucky to have a wife who is a great cook
    2001 GTS ACR Yellow with black stripes. AKA Minion

  2. #227
    Finally.....I stopped Laughing to post

    Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't...

    10. "Just reach in and grab the giblets."

    9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

    8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"

    7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

    6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

    5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"

    4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."

    3. "It's cool whip time!"

    2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"

    . . . and the number one thing that sounds dirty at Thanksgiving but isn't . .

    1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."

  3. #228
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    Hahaha that's awesome!!!
    2001 GTS ACR Yellow with black stripes. AKA Minion

  4. #229
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    A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
    Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
    Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
    While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
    Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
    Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
    Harry : "9."
    Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
    Harry: "36."
    And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
    The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
    Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
    The principal and Harry both agreed.
    Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
    Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
    Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
    The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
    Harry replied: "Pockets."
    Ms. Brooks : "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
    Harry: "Pants."
    Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
    Harry: "Coconut."
    The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
    Ms. Brooks : "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
    The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
    Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
    Harry: "Shake hands."
    The principal was trembling.
    Ms. Brooks : "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
    Harry: "Fire truck."
    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong"

  5. #230
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    A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

    There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

    The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

    They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

    Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

    "OK, I give up. Where's the f*****g ship?"

  6. #231
    lol, awesome
    Roe powered GTS

  7. #232
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    Jack Daniels have just released an Oscar Pistorius advent calendar.

    A shot behind every door...

  8. #233
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    Presents may be delayed this year!

    santa fan.jpg

  9. #234
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    Since we are on the subject.

    Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?
    A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

    Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
    A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

    Q: Why doesn't Santa have any kids?
    A: He only comes once a year
    96 GTS (# 33, Bone Stock), 66 Mustang Convertible, 66 Mustang Hardtop, 69 Corvette Roadster

  10. #235
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    Speaking of Santa a gifts...
    Ever try to buy your daughter a Barbie? So many options. Cowgirl Barbie, City Barbie, Dressed up fancy Barbie...And the list goes on.
    But why was there never a Pregnant Barbie????
    Cuz Ken always came in a different box
    2001 GTS ACR Yellow with black stripes. AKA Minion

  11. #236
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    Hehe

  12. #237
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    Not really a Joke!

    If anyone tells you that marriage is an equal partnership they are talking rubbish .
    When we married I gave up fast cars , drinking ,drugs and gambling.
    She only gave up sex !

  13. #238
    Please just delete that ......


 
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