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Thread: Joke of the Day

  1. #451
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    Paddy stops by the pub on the way home from the doctor.
    "What's the matter?" Seamus asks as he walks in.
    Paddy replies: "I haven't been feeling meself recently."
    "Good!" says Seamus. "That was a nasty little habit you had!"
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  2. #452
    Scott Grayson
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    "Bad news, Your Majesty - It's a cyberattack!"
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  3. #453
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    - - - Updated - - -

    An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

    I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

    No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression" Again, all was quiet.

    Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train stood from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

    The preacher fell to his knees, and the congregation roared.

    That dear readers is when the fight started!

  4. #454
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    A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the
    other if there is sex after death.
    Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
    After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
    Then the first contact was made.
    ... "Marion ... Marion "
    "Is that you, Bob?"
    "Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
    "That's wonderful! What's it like?"
    "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off
    to the golf course.
    I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more
    times.
    Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the
    golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
    After supper, it's back to golf course again.
    Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then
    the next day it starts all over again"
    "Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"

















    "No............I'm a rabbit in Arizona now

  5. #455
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    A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
    96 GTS (# 33, Bone Stock), 66 Mustang Convertible, 66 Mustang Hardtop, 69 Corvette Roadster

  6. #456
    Scott Grayson
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    Quote Originally Posted by daveg View Post
    A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
    Too funny! Thanks for the laugh!
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  7. #457
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    rolled into a Sports bar dressed as a tennis ball last night.

    Got served straight away.


 
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